Drabbly Dabbles
by ZebraStripedFlamingo
Summary: Funny/foolish/fishy drabbles involving Lily, James, and the Marauders. Flirting, drinking, and inappropriate metaphors ahead.
1. 2am

Prompt #1: 2am

2am

Lily Evans ate examinations for breakfast.

Well.

Not really.

She ate balanced protein-complex carbohydrate combinations for breakfast. Never too much dairy. Nothing that settled too deeply in her stomach. No acids. Whole wheat toast with marmalade, lean turkey sausages, a handful of almonds, and a glass of soymilk. If she needed a slight pick-me-up, Lily preferred a nice warm mug of café olé with a tablespoon of brown sugar and cocoa powder stirred in.

But all of that's beside the point. The point being that Lily Evans has never, ever in her life, been nervous about examinations.

Until now.

"You've been studying for the Auror test for two years, Evans," Sirius Black said as he observed her breathe spastically into a paper bag. He had began studying a week ago, and felt perfectly at ease. "Calm yourself."

"I-I-" Lily swallowed, eyes watering. "I _can't."_

"Are you going to cry?" Sirius sounded alarmed. "Shall I get James?"

He dove out the door just as the first sob wrenched itself from her body.

2:30am

Sirius never found James, but he did find two dozen butterbeers in the kitchens, and thought that if anyone needed some liquor to mellow them out that night, it would probably be the crazy-eyed redhead busy pulling out her own hair upstairs.

Whistling, he grabbed the bottles and wondered if he'd ever seen Evans drunk before.

4am

"What the hell is going on here?" James Potter blinked. He had, for a moment, thought that the scene before him was not real but in fact conjured up by late night hallucinations.

"Poker, Prongs old lad," Sirius called jovially, brandishing a bottle and splashing some amber liquid on his chest. His naked chest.

"Strip poker, Prongs old lad," Lily clarified, and gestured to her own state of undress. Thank heavens she still had her underwear on, as well as a sock.

"'Twasn't my idea," Sirius said apologetically. "She insisted. But at least I've finally gotten to see your girlfriend's –"

"That's enough," James rubbed his temples. How did he get to be the responsible one here? Something felt desperately wrong. "We've got our Auror exams tomorrow and –"

"Auror Schmauror, I say!" cried Lily, impassioned by nerves and booze. "Right, Sirius?"

"Career Schmareer!" Sirius joined in jovially. They clinked together their glasses with gusto.

"Alright," James sighed, forcibly wrenching the butterbeer from Lily's hands. "I'm putting Lily to bed-"

"Oooh, sexual," Sirius snickered.

With difficulty, James swung Lily into his arms, bridal-style, and started up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

10am

Lily Evans could not eat any breakfast.

Forget examinations. Forget whole wheat toast and lean turkey sausages. She could barely stomach small sips of black coffee.

She glared blearily at the boy across from her, who was digging into a stack of hotcakes with syrup, strawberry preserves, and powdered sugar.

"How come you're so normal?"

"Practice," Sirius replied, licking his fork. "I've been drunk at least thrice a month for the past four years."

"Thrice?"

"We can't very well get smashed the week that Mooney's furry little problem manifests, can we?"

"Ah."

"Don't worry about it," Remus patted her hand sympathetically. "Aurors are sleep-deprived, underfed, and jumpy normally. You just made yourself that much more competitive."

"Plus," Sirius added, powdered sugar on his nose as he pressed his face closer to his plate. "Good practice for pregnancy."

The table fell silent, and Sirius glanced up to looks ranging from horrorfied to hopeful.

"_What_?"

**Hello all!**

**My name is Z and here are some drabbles I've had lying around for ages. I've got four so far, and I'll keep adding them during the next two weeks or so. Please feel free to leave me any feedback. I write purely for fun during the holidays, and I love Lily and the gang.**

**Also, if you've time, please check out my other fic I've got in the works.**

**Thanks!**

**3 Z**


	2. Metaphor

Prompt #2: Metaphor

"Testing? Testing… "

[Pause. There is shuffling in the background, followed by a nervous giggle and shushing.]

"Ahem. This recording is the academic property of Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter, Sixth Years, Herbology. It is November the fifth and today we are documenting the scientific process of extracting seedling pods from Nimbulus Nimbletonia…"

[More shuffling. The tape breaks off. When it comes back on, there's laughter, more shushing, and an "Ow!"]

"Wait, shhh, shhh, it's back on again."

"Ahem. Ready, men?"

"Yessir."

"Sir, yes sir!"

[A pause.]

"… Padfoot!"

"Ow!... Okay, fine. Just… just go slow."

"You take the back. Peter, up front with me. Prongs, whenever you're ready."

[Shuffling… squelching.]

"… So far so good."

"Euch, it's warm."

"Don't think about it."

"… So far so good…"

"Insertion approximately halfway complete."

"… So far so-"

"Wormtail! Shut up."

"Ow."

"Hold on."

"Ow…"

[Rustling. Clanging as someone switches positions and kicks a metal pail.]

"OUCH!"

"Hold on a second!"

"I can't, it hurts."

"Relax! It's easier to insert if you relax."

"Fuck!"

"Padfoot?"

"Mooney? What now?"

"Prongs!"

"Extract. Extract right now!"

"OUCH!"

"Pull out, Prongs! I repeat, pull out!"

"I can't! It's stuck! It's wedged in there!

"RELAX, PADFOOT!"

"YOU FUCKING RELAX!"

"Wait, now I'm in pain! Why's it so tight?"

[More rustling, clanging, a splash.]

"Clenching! Why's it clenching!"

"It's just flexing! It does that! Just… Hold on a second. Peter, man the fort."

"What?"

[The sound of a rubber glove being pulled off. Thuds. Pages being flipped.]

"Owwwwwwwww…"

[Snorting. Coughing. Pause. Silence broken only by quiet moaning in the background.]

"Something funny, Evans?"

"…My pain is not funny!"

"…Nor mine!"

[A new voice. A female voice.]

"Nothing's funny. I think Professor Sprout's going to really enjoy your tape, boys."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing at all. Maybe you should try stroking it, relieve some of the tension."

[Pause.]

"By Jove, Prongs old lad maybe you should stroke it!"

"Relieve some of the tension!"

[Scrambling.]

"Shove over, Padfoot! You're going about it all wrong, men. You've got to be softer, like this…"


End file.
